


break all the clocks and the mirrors

by shesthemuscle



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Gen, emotional angst, post-PoF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:49:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27141344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shesthemuscle/pseuds/shesthemuscle
Summary: Post-POF, Patton considers the consequences of the latest episode, late at night in the Mindscape's kitchen. He discovers he's not as alone as he thinks he is.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1981168
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30
Collections: Bad Things Happen





	break all the clocks and the mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from "I Can't Breathe" by Bea Miller.
> 
> I strongly recommend listening to this song while you read the fic or after. It's such a Patton song.

The silence of the mind palace is deafening. 

Patton’s unwilling to break it for fear of making things worse than they already are, as he heads down to the kitchen to make something to eat. Once upon a time, he’d be cooking dinner for the others as well but now....now they can’t stand the sight of him; not that he blames them of course. 

Yet, he can’t help feeling like this isn’t all his fault and it’s unfair for them to treat him like it is.

He runs a hand through his hair as he stares into the kitchen. 

The bright light causes him to flinch and shield his eyes for a couple seconds. 

Patton softly pads across the cold kitchen floor, thankful for his fuzzy socks keeping his feet warmed. 

The sadness grows in his heart as he looks around the kitchen and remembers the good times he’s had there with the others. He can picture Logan lingering by the coffee pot, trying to ignore their shenanigans but his lips twitch, letting Patton know he’s amused while Virgil sits on the island in the middle of the kitchen, swinging his feet back and forth as he eggs on Roman, who is attempting to help Patton cook but learns that making pancakes is a tricky business causing Patton to chuckle as he helps to sort out the batter and give Roman an easier task while soothing his ego with his words. 

Patton shakes his head. 

He can’t do that. 

Looking back won’t do him any good. 

He runs his hand over the cool surface of the stove, sitting there unused for ages. 

Their voices and laughter echo in his head without his permission. 

Turning away from the stove, he lets out a sigh as he leans against the island, absent-mindedly tracing Virgil’s name on the counter. 

He screws his eyes shut as he remembers the door to his room slamming open then Virgil, energized by his righteous anger at Roman’s and Logan’s treatment and Janus’ acceptance, he berates Patton loudly and forcefully, not allowing his former best friend get a word in edgewise before leaving as suddenly as he came.

The cold floor comes as a shock, bringing Patton out of his memories but he can’t seem to find it in himself to care that he’s on the floor.

He’s not hungry anyways.

Shifting his position so he’s leaning back against the island with his arms around his knees. 

There’s an ache in his chest he’s been ignoring and he knows the source but he doesn’t have anyone to blame but himself for it. Listening to then accepting Janus was the right thing to do and still is especially with Thomas taking the first step. This whole thing has made him reconsider all the Sides. 

There’s an octopus plushie just waiting to be delivered as an apology and an olive branch on his dresser. 

He misses his famILY so much, he can barely think the thought before the ache grows larger and suffocates him. 

Suddenly, there’s a black and gold blur in front of him. 

Patton looks up and watches as Janus kneels down next to him with an openly concerned look on his face, which he’s not used to seeing from the other Side. 

“Patton? What ever is the matter?” Janus asks softly.

He blinks in confusion.

A yellow gloved hand moves towards him then he feels Janus’ thumb wipe away something from his cheek. Reaching up his own hand, Patton tentatively touches his other cheek and realizes it’s wet. 

He’s been crying without realizing it. 

That thought causes the waterworks to grow as he struggles to not make any noise. 

Janus cups Patton’s face with both of his hands then uses his thumbs to wipe away Patton’s tears.

“Oh Patton....”

Maybe it’s the fact that this is the most physical contact he’s had in months or maybe it’s the fact that Janus doesn’t seem to hate him and want him gone; whatever the reason, Patton tumbles towards Janus and wraps his arms around him before burying his face into Janus’s shoulder. 

Pushing his surprise and shock down, Janus moves his hands so he can hug Patton back and rub his back. 

They sit there on the floor, neither concerned by the fact but rather, focused on taking comfort from the other Side. 

Patton realizes he’s been cuddling Janus’ for a long time and can’t help thinking he’s made him uncomfortable so he pulls away with force causing him to fall on his back while Janus blinks at him.

“Patton?”

“Sorry ‘bout that Janus, I didn’t mean to do that and for that long. You probably hated it,” replies Patton, looking down at his hands. 

Janus sighs. 

“If I didn’t want the contact, if it made me uncomfortable...don’t you think I’d make it clear rather than continue it?” he asks.

“Um, yea...I guess.”

Janus does have a point.

But he can’t let himself behave that way with Janus because he went down that path with Virgil already and he’s lost his spooky best friend. Without Janus, he’d have no one to talk to so best not to do anything to rock that boat. 

Patton’s stomach decides to make its presence known, causing Patton to blush and Janus chuckle.

“Let’s get you something to eat then watch a movie,” he rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, “if you want to that is. Or, we could talk about what’s bothering you.”

“Um, a movie would be nice. Thanks Janus.”

Janus stands up and holds out a hand to Patton to help him up off of the floor. 

At least, Patton is not alone at the moment and he’ll take it because he can’t take being alone. 

He’d do anything to have his famILY back together.

Who knows what the future will hold in store but they need to figure it out as they go, for Thomas’ sake because what they do, influences Thomas and all the Sides want the best for him.


End file.
